


Falling Into My Shadow's Embrace

by Tren



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Depression, Hearing Voices, M/M, Psychological Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-13 03:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21237644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tren/pseuds/Tren
Summary: Akira finds himself unable to face his everyday life, but even with Metaverse gone Joker is stilll there.Akira wishes he wasn't.





	Falling Into My Shadow's Embrace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxjar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxjar/gifts).

> Thanks to Karios for the beta! You rock!

It's been nine months since Metaverse disappeared.

Akira knows it's a good thing, but, between his parents pretending he doesn't exist and the dreary days at school, he finds himself missing his Phantom Thief career.

His days stretch into boredom. Tokyo was intimidating, but new and exciting. However, Akira knows everything there is to know about the village he came from. He has already seen all there is to it. He also isn’t going to make any friends, since his criminal record is still the most interesting thing in everyone’s minds. Even though more than a year has passed, people continue to avoid him.

His friends from Tokyo visit sometimes, but those visits are hardly enough to keep the loneliness at bay.

_“You should just ditch this place, if you ask me. We deserve a bigger stage than these boonies.”_

Even Morgana is little comfort. Not for lack of trying, but because he’s been slowly, but steadily, becoming more of a cat. Akira hasn’t told anyone yet. He is afraid of even voicing that thought, but it is an undeniable fact that Morgana is talking to him less and less.

Akira isn’t sure whether it’s disconnection from Metaverse that is causing Morgana to slowly turn into a normal cat, or whether Akira is slowly losing the ability to understand him.

It doesn’t change the fact that he dreads the day when he wakes up to Morgana meowing at him.

_“Even if Morgana is gone I will still be here. I’m always here.”_

It's been nine months since Metaverse disappeared, but **he** is still here.

Akira thought he would fade like everything else. Their power disappeared together with the Metaverse.

Joker shouldn’t be here.

_“You wound me, Akira. I’ve always been with you. Even if everybody else abandons you, I wouldn’t.”_

Akira ignores the voice.

It used to be much less noticeable. In the past, it was so quiet he had to pay attention to even hear it.

Nowadays it is impossible to ignore.

_“You say it like it is a bad thing, but you wanted someone to talk to. To understand you. I’m just fulfilling your wishes.”_

Akira’s hand raises, touching his cheek in a comforting gesture. Akira jerks away from it and watches as it limply falls at his side.

He didn’t mean to move it.

It used to be impossible for Joker to do something against Akira’s will. Joker was just a mask. A facade behind which Akira hid.

He wonders when that stopped being the case.

_“Now, that isn’t important at all. You would be happier if you stopped living in the past so much.”_

“Then let me live in the present!” Akira hisses.

It’s only a second later that he realizes he said it out loud. He raises his head and sees one of his neighbours quickly averting his eyes.

As he watches the neighbour quickly walk away, Akira thinks it would be easier if there was a present for him to live in.

*

As Akira finishes brushing his teeth, he looks into the mirror. He is greeted by his tired reflection. It looks so lifeless, Akira wonders how he even manages to keep moving on. 

He sometimes wonders if he will wake up one day and won’t be himself anymore.

Joker will take over, pushing Akira into the back seat of their mind.

It’s a scary thought. Akira’s life was always controlled by someone. It got derailed by Shido, then by Yaldabaoth—never quite his own. He fought so hard to take it back, but now…

_“You say it like losing control would be a bad thing, but if that’s true… then why are you smiling?”_

Akira looks up and sees that his reflection is indeed smiling. It’s a strange feeling of disconnection. Akira doesn’t feel joy and yet his face is reflecting it.

A second later the small smile turns into a smirk.

It’s not Akira who is smiling now.

He leaves the bathroom in a rush, unable to face his reflection.

*

The day at school is boring. Akira should be preparing for his graduation and yet he can’t find the motivation that pushed him to study hard back in Tokyo.

Someone like him, who took his future back from a corrupt government official and a literal god, shouldn’t be feeling like someone who has no future before him.

And yet, as Akira looks through the window, he finds himself unable to find any hope for change.

*

When he wakes up the next day Morgana meows at him.

Akira doesn’t go to school and spends the whole day crying.

His left hand keeps gently patting him on the head.

Even as the day ends, Akira doesn’t regain control of that hand.

*

He considers calling his friends, but he has no idea how to break the news to them.

Akira spent so much time pretending in front of them that everything was fine so they wouldn’t worry. He isn’t sure he even wants to shatter that illusion. He doesn’t want his friends to know that he has reached his lowest point.

He decides against telling them.

He will keep acting like everything is fine until he can’t go on anymore.

His left hand still refuses to obey his commands.

*

_“If it’s too hard for you, let me help.”_

Joker’s voice feels more sweet and tempting than ever, but Akira ignores it. 

He survived and survived until he outlasted all his enemies. And if necessary he will outlast himself as well.

_“I’m not your enemy, you know. I’m you. I only want the best for you. For us.”_

Akira keeps ignoring Joker’s voice.

*

Akira stops going to school.

He can’t see the point. He is tired of going through the motions trying to appear normal. However, Morgana can’t judge him anymore, Akira’s friends can’t see him, and his parents don’t care.

He stays holed up in his room, missing a dusty attic that feels more like home than his room does now.

*

_“You should eat something. It won’t do us any good if you starve.”_

Akira doesn’t reply.

_“It breaks my heart to see you in such a state,”_ Joker admits. He sounds far too sincere; it makes Akira’s insides twist.

“You just want my body,” Akira replies, feeling tired.

There’s an amused laugh that answers him.

_“Of course I do. I’m Joker! I want to own beautiful and precious things! And you are both of those, Akira.”_

Akira feels a lump lodge itself in his throat. He wishes he could somehow escape from Joker’s presence, but he can’t. They are one body.

_“Didn’t you ever question why I was created in the first place? It’s not like I always existed inside of you,”_ Joker pointed out.

Akira lowered his eyes.

“It was when I awakened…”

_“Wrong,”_ Joker replies, sounding decisive, yet gentle. _“At that point I was already there. I was born out of your wish for someone to protect you. You protected that woman from Shido, but after that nobody stepped in to protect you. Not that woman, nor the police, nor your parents.”_

“Wait, that can’t be true…”

_“Really? Didn’t you wish for someone to save you?”_

Akira is quiet. They both know the answer to that question.

_“Metaverse helped to strengthen me. It’s a place shaped by human subconsciousness and you wanted me to be more than a mask. So, as you kept wishing for it, I grew stronger.”_

Akira shook his head, then held it in his one obedient hand.

“That’s… that can’t be true…”

_“But it is the truth. And you know it. That’s why you have nothing to fear from me.”_

Akira can’t hold back a small hiccup, as his left hand gently catches the tears that are starting to stream down his face.

_“I want you,”_ Joker whispers sweetly. _“You are my treasure. I want to hide you away from this cruel world so nobody can hurt you or take you away from me.”___

_ _Akira wants to say this is wrong, but before he can, a thumb gently brushes over his lips._ _

_ _ _“And I will never stop loving you, my dear Akira. Even if nobody else will see you, I will give you enough love to make up for it. So much that you will never feel lonely again.”_ _ _

_ _Breath catches in Akira’s lungs. It takes him a moment to force the words out._ _

_ _“Are you… Is that true? Will you really—?” _ _

_ _Instead of a response, he suddenly feels as if someone is kissing him. He knows that there isn’t anyone else in the room, but the sensation feels more real than anything else Akira experienced during the last few months._ _

_ _He lets himself drown in that phantom sensation. As Akira closes his eyes, he can feel someone embrace him, pulling him closer until he can’t say where one of them begins and the other ends. All his worries and sadness are distant, as he can feel Joker’s love and loyalty finally fill the void in his heart._ _

_ __“Sleep, my love. I will steal all your pain and sorrow away. I will keep stealing and stealing it, as my greed knows no bounds. So surrender to me, Akira. Surrender to my love.”_ _ _

_ _Melting under the gentle touch, Akira finally gives in to the sweet whispers._ _

_ _*_ _

_ _The morning is bright and fresh._ _

_ _Akira wakes up and looks through the window. The world is vaster than before—it's his for the taking and nobody can stop him now._ _

_ _As his expression morphs into a mischievous grin, Joker gets up from the bed. He starts to pack his things. There’s no reason for him to stay in this house anymore._ _

_ _After all, he has already stolen the most precious thing in it._ _


End file.
